Marching On

Still feeling a little raw from the fallout of the MRI bomb, but it’s time to move forward.  We don’t really have the luxury of moping around for too long.  There are too many other things to do and take care of and moping and being sad just really hinders us in all areas.  So we nurse our broken hearts and let the tears fall and we become even more determined to do every single thing we can to help Peyton reach her full potential.  The MRI doesn’t really change anything in how we care for her or what therapies she gets or how much we love her.  The MRI was more of a punch in the gut to Ed and I as there was some finality in REALLY accepting that Peyton wasn’t just going to snap out of all of this, quit having seizures and go on to live a normal life.  We really really do have a disabled child and she will be affected her entire life by this.  Even if the seizures stopped tomorrow, whatever causes those seizures is certainly still a problem.  This is reality. 

BUT

I believe (we believe) with all our hearts that Peyton is capable of great things and there is no MRI on earth that will convince me any differently.  She is so loved and so cared for and so prayed over and we KNOW this makes a difference in what she will accomplish in her life. I don’t go against conventional medicine and what the MRI showed us is unfortunately very real, but no one can tell us with any certainty that she can’t do great things, in whatever capacity that might be.

We haven’t really talked to Blake and Mackenzie about all we learned at the visit on Monday, except to tell them she wouldn’t be a candidate for surgery.  You know the funny thing?  They were relieved their baby sister wouldn’t have to have surgery.  Even if we did tell them all about the visit, they wouldn’t be heart broken or sad or glum.  As far as they are concerned, they have accepted her disabilities and they just keep on loving her.  I know for us it’s a little different with all the complexities that go with being the parent of a child with such severe disabilities, but their joy and love rubs off on me and keeps me grounded when it would otherwise be so easy to curl up in the fetal position and stay there. 

As soon as I posted the blog about the MRI, text messages from friends & family came rolling in, along with calls and visits.  Like immediately.  We are blessed beyond measure with the people in our lives that love us and love our kids and support us unconditionally.  It truly lifts us up in the darkest of times.  God really watches over us even when I am not talking to him like I should.  I sometimes get a little angry at him over Peyton’s suffering.  I wonder if maybe she is being punished for the wrongs I have done in my life, but I know that’s not how God works.  I still don’t see the plan in all of this, but I know there is one and I know Peyton has and will continue to touch lives all around her. 

Thank you for continuing to read Peyton’s story and sending so many prayers our way.